A Series of Blogs

kannst du...

Ik heb je zo gemist...
maar het is voorbij, blijf van me af

Ich verfehlte dich...
aber ist es vorbei, geht gerade weg

            

Outta here

you acted so strangely

or should I said we are both
we started talking
asked and answered.. seemed so formal
but then just silence between us...

what's wrong with us...
is there something between us....
why can't we just be honest...

why don't just say it
wish can read your mind
just say it...
if you're not... I'm outta here...



~*♥*~°°♥°°♥°°~*♥*~   

Huaaaaaaaa........ kesel... sedih

 Lagi kesel... and bete...
lagi sebel...
plus sedih juga...       
Pengen marah....
tapi ga bisa berbuat apa-apa...

What do you want and why you do that???
Is it because I will do nothing to you after?


please... that's enough.... fool me around no more...

One More Year

Assalamu'alaikum

Alhamdulillah... alhamdulillah... alhamdulillah... that's just what I can say right now... another one year has been passed and there will be another year has to face (insya 4JJ I)... I wish this world could be better... better for living and better for everything (and for myself... I think it's just only for me and my Rabb know)

That's all... alhamdulillahir robbil 'alamin.... and for all of my friends... yoroshiku onegaisimasu... please for guidance and help  for another year

    

Tired...

 

Feeling tired of everything....
tired of body,
tired of minds,
tired of feeling....

Have you ever felt that way?
Tired of being nice one,
tired of smiling when you feel mad or sad,
tired of loving when there's no one care for yours...
tired of doing what people said to you,
tired of steady there but no one ever gives any back
tired of waiting for unsure

Have you ever felt that way?
Tired of crying for whom not supposed to cry for,
Tired of saying I'm fine


Don't wanna be selfish
But just a human being
Can I have for a while
Laugh and cry for myself
Can I get one moment from yours
Just a moment
Have you ever felt that way?
 

 

Love... why??

Assalamu'alaikum

Maybe... one or more of you will ask... why I put that as my title in this time... why suddenly I write that thing? First... I think this one is really famous thing in this whole world... and always being one of topic in almost aspect from science into entertainment... from children into adult... from a to z. Second.... I don't know what I have to say.... is it what I feel.. or maybe it's just a wrong feeling so confusing if it's untrue... how can it be.... meanwhile surrounding me.... what I know now... few of them have problem with what called as love too....

I don't know why.... why love is so.... so.... amazing... and has great power, or is it? ... just what I know... it can drive people crazy... it even can hold bomb for exploding... love can make people feel sad and happy in the same time.... how can it make people feel that way??? love can be so sweet on the other hand love can be so painful... just keep wondering what does it have inside....

And what is love? here what I found in wikipedia "The word love has many different meanings in English, from something that gives a little pleasure ("I loved that meal") to something one would die for (ideals, family). It can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state. In ordinary use, it usually refers to interpersonal love. Probably due to its psychological relevance, love is one of the most common themes in art and music.

Throughout history, phylosophy and religion have done the most speculation on the phenomenon of love. In the last century, the science of psychology has written a great deal on the subject. In recent years, the sciences of evolutionary psychology, evolutionary biology, anthropology, neuroscience, and biology have added to the understanding of the nature and function of love."

There are also many views about love if you search on what it means... but till now... even though there are so many thing which can describe it... I'm still unsure with what love is... is it as same as with L.O.V.E which sang by Nat King Cole? do I really have it once and not just a game ?... and another thing is I don't know does it have mean to its belongs???
this is for my people who feel it...

Day... Rain... Result's Research

Assalamu'alaikum

Now... it's already in half month of October.... here after almost two weeks had nice weather (but not with winds... always blows and made colder), just from this morning rain falls down until now... and in my opinion from my experience or see what people did, we always complain about anything, everything... even it's good enough there must be something that's not suit with what we expected... but wish it's not daily... and get use to it.

After rain... we will see the rainbow appears... and I wish I will find "it" in my day (my life... or it's too much if I say my life... dunno... so what u think about it?)  just wanna through my tough days, with bad result... and will have research presentation soon (on 5th November).

God (ya 4JJ I ya Rahman ya Rahiim) please give me strength, hope and light to through this way when I almost lost, please wash away my tears when I'm low.... only to You... I pray and give my whole life.

Nastar (ananastaartjes) became Pineapple Basket Cookies

Assalamu'alaikum

Alhamdulillah... this day is 29th day of Ramadhan... it means we will have fest soon... and it will be tomorrow or day after tomorrow depends on our imam... so... can't wait till that time ^_^ but one thing... even we still didn't finish this month... I'm pretty sure that I'll miss this month (Ramadhan month)... and I still don't wanna finish this month soon... I know... I know what you will think.. cos one side I really.. really love to have fest but the other side I don't wanna leave this month...so........ I just wish that I could get and face Ramadhan next year... but who knows, Wallahualam bisawab.

Okay... now we enter the main topic... bout Nastar became Pineapple Basket Cookies... last Sunday I've planned to make Nastar (kind of Pineapple cookies, if there is anyone doesn't know about this cookies or Dutch people called it as ananastaartjes) for Aidil Fitri fest... so this is the recipe which I took as reference

NASTAR OR ANANASTAARTJES
Ingredients:
  500 g butter or margarine
  200 g sugar powder
       2 eggs (yellow part)
  800 g flour

How to make it:
Stirred butter or margarine and sugar till soft, then added eggs and stirred it until being mixed.
Added flour little by little and mixed. Shaped dow into small ball and filled it with pineapple jam or pineapple sauce which you can made it by yourself (Ingredients: 1 kg pineapples, 200 g sugar, 2 pieces hagel, 10 g cinnamon powder, and 2 pieces lemonade leaves, put all together in fry pan and add some water. Cooked until viscous).
For addition: before bake it, you can spread or grease screw egg onto these cookies.
Bake about 20 minutes on 150 degrees Celsius.

So... I just followed the recipe but then... I couldn't made ball shaped properly... and I think dough which I've made too soft... after look around... what should I do... cos I don't wanna just throw away dough I've made... then I've I got idea... how about made cookies which took basket shaped... so I still can filled cookies with jam.... so... there they are.... my Nastar became Pineapple basket Cookies .

Once again... I know.. I know.. you will ask what's the point from this story.... and even I think there is nothing special... I just wanna share it... But from this time... I know that if we try we could solve the problem, even though not all of problems we could solve... the most important thing is... we give our best to try.

Farewell

Assalamu'alaikum

Today... there was farewell party of SS (Spatial Science) student in my housing, and actually that was also for routine silaturahim of deGromiest... so those became two events into one. A lot of people came, but not all of those people i knew... only some of them... and still it's great.. SS committee also invited another our house mates... so... more people came.

Wish for all of my friends.... wish you succeed.. wherever you are... and wish we can meet in another time, another place... 4JJ I blessed you all... cu my friends....

One More Year Left... Life Become Shorter

Assalamu'alaikum

Alhamdulillah... alhamdulillah... one more year has passed... and another year will be face... and for all of these, I'm really great full to 4JJ I SWT until this time...  I still have another chance for life what I live. So... for this time... I just wish for next year, I can be better person for myself and all people especially who's in surrounding me.... aaamiiiiinnn.... I knew if I had my birthday... it means my age become shorter... and I wish for my rest of life, I can do right thing and will mean for all people.
This birthday, actually was my first birthday in abroad, but not the first time far from my family, cos I think I have several times... but it's fine... my family always remember my day (until now...) and funny thing.. most of my family in this year thought that my birthday was yesterday (30 July)... how can they could thought for same thing and just pretended like they were right... it doesn't matter...as long as... they still care for me ^_^
Here... when I came to my office... first thing... people congratulated me (one who knew ^_*) and then... enter my place...wow...there were balloons around my desk and chair (still like that (15.27 Groningen time) although weren't in the same place as first time) ... I found... it's nice thing... cos... I was really..really.. never thinking bout that, but... thanks for that decoration... Thanks... Pieter and Slavko... it's really nice thing...
I also thank to all of my friend who congratulate me in many ways (sms, ym, etc) thank you for all of this... and of course for their wish for me... it means a lot for me... THANK YOU SO MUCH to all of you (family, friends, colleagues)... THANK YOU

Research is getting worse?????

Assalamu'alaikum

Today... I just wanna write what happen today... actually not just today... but almost for this month. I just dunno what happen with me, cos... once I can get results just as I expected. Then when I repeat or want have more... it didn't go well...

What's wrong with my hands? Is there something wrong? Is it cos I didn't do anything with all my attention or maybe heart... or anything else? Keep asking a lot of question....

I just want (yah... just like all people want) I can go through all those stuffs, I know... that 's not everything going smoothly... just hope it will. And I know I can through these... but when???... cos I need all those stuffs soon... I don't wanna make people judge me wrong or then bad impression to me...

I wish this won't happen for long time...aaamiiinnn... cos I know after every storm, there is a rainbow appears

Have You Ever?

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
 
Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
 
Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care
 
What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep


Taken from: Brandy - Have You Ever?

Reflection

Look at me you may think you see
Who I really am but you’ll never know me
Every day, is as if I play apart
Now I see if I wear a mask
I can fool the world but I can not fool
My heart

Who is that one I see staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
 
I am now in a world where I have to
Hide my heart and what I believe in
But somehow I will show the world
What’s inside my heart and be loved for who I am
 
Who is that one I see staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don’t know?
Must I pretend that I’m someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
 
There’s a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why
Why must we all conceal what we think
How we feel must there be a secret me
I’m forced to hide?
I won’t pretend that I’m someone else for all time
When will my reflections show who I am inside?
When will my reflections show who I am inside?


Taken from OST Mulan
Copyright: Disney
 

Today... about today...

Assalamu'alaikum

Another story I will write in same day, and this is all about today. Just like usual, I have to start my day in the morning, but not this morning.... cos when my alarm rang... and I just shutted it of... then backed to sleep... for half an hour... it felt like I don't wanna go to work. Then I realized... I just have short time here, so I have to woke up then took a shower and got my breakfast quickly. So I started my day a little bit late but not too late, cos I arrived at my office before 9.00 am.

In this day... especially in morning... I just took my overnight bacteria culture and transferred it into fresh medium, then incubated it at 30 degrees Celsius for 1.5 hours... another boring time... cos I didn't have anything to do for that time. Then after 1.5 hours incubation... it was incubated one more after added some antibiotics (ampicillin) for two hours and I just took coffee break as usual... so many boring time I had today.

Now... I've done my experiment (4.36 pm) and today, all of things are crap... huaaaaaa........ I don't have any spirit for today... is it the reason... why I didn't get any good result? (or I could say I didn't get any result). I hope not for this evening... cos I will go to cinema to watch 5th series of Harry Potter (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix) and of course for tomorrow... I wish I will have better day, I can continue my experiment, and get result... aamiiinn. After prayed... now I prepare to back home (it's 5.03 pm)... wish will have better day... so c u then...

After every storm, there is a rainbow appears 

First Month

Assalamu'alaikum
Day by day passed never known... and now... it's my first month here... in other people country... (abroad)... I think this is my best way that 4JJ I gives me... even though first time... i doubted once... still not sure, is it true? is it the one?
And now... I just go on... and face my days here... and surely my day in lab... this is I think what I want and I get it.... but still don't get used to here... still fell uncomfortable.. still have another feeling... how can I get used to? and why I have those feeling?
Just wanna say this one... watashi mo ganbaru....
Don't make another disappointed
This is not easy way to get (I'm sure for this one)
Try hard and work hard... cos there's always be rock, thorn,.... in my ways
So... there is a way 2 that I can through it... cos there's a light in me that shines brightly....

I have worried... cos in my first month I didn't get anything... and when I was in meeting group... I just don't know about... what the exactly question in this project... just look like... I'm a robot... do anything what people say... don't wanna be think like that... so... could you tell me... how??

Lonely

Lonely I'm so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my own
I'm so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my own
I'm so lonely

Ha...ha...ha... just remember that song and... maybe feel like that right now
Dunno.... just feel so lonely... I don't have anyone that I could share anything right now, just to get a talk or get anything else such as making some joke....
I felt it when I was attending lecture in tis day. I don't know... maybe this happen because right now I haven't open myself up to the other... cause I haven't get familiarize or little bit comfy here.
New environment... it means I have to adapt with this thing... hope I can through it soon... Cause I think it will disturb me in everything. Wish... be better time... better things... and better feeling

Alhamdulillah

Assalamu'alaikum

Alhamdulillah... this is the first word I've said... after all of things I've been through... New thing will come... I'll face new thing in several days more... and wish it'll be okay ^_^

But... one thing I haven't to forget... REPORT... ooops... not only one report but two reports ^_^ right now... I still write those Reports... First report is my research in past three months... and the other one is my continuous research of thesis.....

There's a lot of things to do... but I can say... alhamdulillah... finally... I will continue into further research... (esp in other country)... So c u soon in other writing.

Dance with my Father

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                                  Dance with My Father

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Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me

And then...
Spin me around til' I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never never end
How I'd love love love
To dance with my father again

Ooooh...

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Yeah yeah
Then finally make me do just what my mamma said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he, would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance
One final step
One final dance with him
I'd play a song that'd never never end
Cos I'd love love love, to dance with my father again

Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mamma cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me

I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back
The only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

Oooo... yeah

I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance with my father again

Written by: Luther Vandross

Dedicated to My Beloved Grandpa, Kakung, we love you always... and will miss you

In Memoriam of My Beloved Grandpa, Kakung

Assalamu'alaikum wr wb

On 30 December 2006/ 09 Dzulhijjah 1427 H (it's 40 days today (08 Feb 07)), my grandpa was called 4JJ I SWT (Innalillahi wa inna illaihi rojiun). After 4 days... got stroke in RS Dr. Sardjito.... It was shocking news... though I was there (in waiting room). Shocking one was when I heard he's got stroke, cos he was just healthy and then after we see that he's getting better

This writting just wanna remember him... cos he was the only one my Grandpa I've ever known... My other Grandpa was passed away after I was born in several days.

We... all the family from Alm. Muh Djani... would like to say thank you for all helping through those days... and wanna ask for forgiveness for all of his faults.

Thank you.... and we always love you, Kung....

Everything Fades Away

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                                   Everything Fades Away

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Baby don't tell me you miss me, you love me
Don't whisper gently that you can't forget me
Tonight, tonight cause I've heard it all before
Just turn away, don't play that game
Baby I don't want to anymore

Chorus:
Let it all fade away
Don't you know that love is gone
It's too late
Everything fades away
Nothing ever stays the same
Baby, no no no

Don't tell me you're sorry you hurt me
How many times can I give in
How many battles can you win
Oh don't beg for mercy
Tonight, tonight cause I can't take any more
Just turn around, don't break me down
Baby I don't love you like before

Let it all fade away
Don't you know that love is gone
It's too late
Everything fades away
Nothing ever stays the same
Baby

(guy)
So hard for me to let you go
Don't leave me standing in the cold
Oh darling give me one more chance
I know that we can make it last
Just let me love you one more time (Mariah: Don't say it)
Girl I don't wanna lose my mind (Mariah: Don't say, say...)
So hard for me to let you go
So hard for me to let you go

Chorus:
Let it all fade away
Don't you know that love is gone
It's too late
Everything fades away
Nothing ever stays the same
Baby
Nothing ever stays the same

Let it all fade away
Don't you know that love is gone
It's too late
Everything fades away
Nothing ever stays the same
Baby

It only fades, it only fades
Baby don't tell me you miss me you love me... (Repeat and fade)

By: Mariah Carey

Free

Have you ever feel....

Free??

Free as a bird... My life is my own

But I'm not feel free as I am

What happen? What's wrong with my free.... I keep on asking to myself

Thank you

Today.... today... today.... I think I would like to write something that I've known for a long... long time this thing. Thank you and sorry, words which are most forgotten to say... I think in most days (not mean to judge, but... just try to make it better). Those words, even just simple words, mean so much if we could say... (in the right time).

Above of all, this is about thanking for who have entered my life. Thank you for all of you've done to me, for all the times we've been shared... and have many experience from all of those times which I messed it up, I draw it better, I try not to lying to somebody, and so on... just live my life. But also so sorry... if there were a lot of mistakes which I've done... cos I am only a human with no perfection, but just try to make it perfect.

Chance... Decision... Hard Life

Assalamu'alaikum...

Today... I found it hard to sleep at night, feel like living through such trouble times (maybe for several days, not just today ^_^). Don't know how many times... It's hard to walk through those times... but I know and believe there will be tomorrow when I'll find my best way and best decision.

Yesterday... I had a new chance, it was gave by one of my lecturer... I think it's my honour when I was the first person he was considered to fill that position. But... I don't know if I can, or maybe I will, or even I will not, cos I don't want it... ?????? there's a lot of deliberation... was ist mit meinem selbst passiert? was... ich habe keine Idee mit meinem selbst. Aber Ich weiss mit meiner Wuensche, was Ich erfuellen kann.

Tomorrow... I wish I have best way... best result... aamiiin ^_^  I know I will and can through it... cos there's sunlight on me that shines brightly (quote from Can't Take That A Way)

It feels like I talk to much about myself... maybe I just want to share it -Indonesianya sih curhat ;p - (wish I'm not selfish, cos only talk about me ^_^)... if there is who would like to... hehehe... if don't want... that's ok ^_^

Impossible

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                                                   IMPOSSIBLE

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's impossible
It's impossible to love you
If you don't let me know what you're feeling
It's impossible for me to give you what you need
If you're always hidin' from me

I don't know what hurt you
I just, I wanna make it right
Cos I'm sick and tired of trying to read your mind

It's impossible (impossible)
Oh baby it's impossible for me to love you
It's the way it is
It's impossible (impossible)
Oh baby it's impossible
If you makin' it this way

Impossible to make it easy
If you always tryin' to make it so damn hard
How can I, how can I give you all my love, baby
If you're always, always puttin' up your guard

This is not a circus
Don't you play me for a clown
How long can emotions keep on goin' up and down

It's impossible (impossible)
Oh baby it's impossible for me to love you
It's the way it is
It's impossible (impossible)
Oh baby it's impossible
If you keep treating me this way
Over, over (over and over)

Impossible baby (impossible, impossible)
If you makin' it this way, this way
Oh baby, it's impossible
If you makin' it this way

bY: aLIciA kEYs and chRIStInA AGuiLErA

Our World

Assalamu'alaikum.... ^_^

It's been a while since my last blog. After last days... right now I have nothing special to say... again hehehe... maybe this one get more deeper than other before ^_^  (but please... don't take it deeper... so... if you don't wanna read... just pass it)

When all news... all blogs... all messages... tell facts what Israel have done to Lebanon and palestine (even before this one get hotter... I've known it)... of course... as a Moslem, My heart has been torn, I'm very sad for my brothers and sisters out there... I don't know why... and why this must be happen... but this is our world... everything can be happen... just how we can face it and do something (right or wrong depend on ourselves, only 4JJ I has the right one). I don't know what I have to do for them... beside pray... blockade anything which has provide income for Israel or... I know I still can't give anything which will help them... (because of selfish or anything else)... I really want to... but... there is always "but" in my thought... is it bad or noto something else??

Oopss... this is made be changed topic... above of all... I pray for all of you... I wish you... can get the best way... aamiiinn. Although maybe yours or ours will be difficult... severe ways... but please... believe... what 4JJ I gives to us... it has purpose for us... if we can take (I don't what I have to say, is it...boon??) ...

Wish you all the best... ^_^

P.S: Sorry... if there's mistake in any word or sentence... cos I' m only human ^_^

Alhamdulillah.... ^_^

Alhamdulillah... eh... Assalamu'alaikum ^_^

Today... maybe from yesterday... I was like to say alhamdulillah... for many time... Alhamdulillah... alhamdulillah... alhamdulillah... I have passed another year... one more year in my life. Last year I had a lot of things, which make me laugh, smile, cry, sad, angry, and anything else. But... I know... all of those, I wish ^_^   insya 4JJ I, make me more wiser, more grow up... better than before... aamiiinn. (What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger; Quote from MC)

Another else is... I have passed yesterday with my friends... but unfortunately not all of my best friend... and my family. But I think I had fun yesterday... we had a lot of laugh, joke, and anything fun.

After this day, I should face another days... I wish I could do my best... better than the last days... I wish... I will get what best for me... aamiinn. And my new year will better... better... and better...

Walk Away

===========================================================================

                                             Kelly Clarkson - Walk Away

===========================================================================

You've got your mother and your brother, every other under cover telling you what to say. You think I'm stupid but the truth is, that it's cupid Baby, loving you has made me this way. So before you point your finger, get your hand off of my trigger,oh yeah you need to know this situations getting old and now the more you talk, the less I can take.

I'm looking for a attention, not another question. Should you stay or should you go? Well, if you don't have the answer. Why you still standing here. Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey... Just walk away Just walk away, Just walk away

I waited here for you like a kid waiting after school. So tell me how come you never showed. I gave you everything and never asked for anything. And look at me, I'm all alone. So before you start defending, baby stop all your pretending. I know ,you know ,I know so what's the point in being slow, "Let's get this show on the road today"

I'm looking for attention, not another question. Should you stay or should you go Well, if you don't have the answer. Why you still standing here. Hey,Hey, Hey, Hey... Just walk away, Just walk away, Just Walk Away

I want a love I want a fire to feel the burn my desires I want someone by my side not who runs and hides. Are you going to fight for me, die for me, live and breathe for me. Do you care for me, cause if you don't then just leave.

I'm looking for attention, not another question. Should you stay or should you go Well, if you don't have the answer. Why you still standing here Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey Just walk away. If you dont have the answer. Walk Away, Just Walk Away Then Just Leave oh yeah

walk away(x2)

So... stop playing a game... heart isn't a game...

If u don't wanna be hurt... stop hurt another

Dunno....

I just dunno what 2 say or the rite one is dunno what i wanna write....
First of all...
Ich glaube, habe ich eine Liebeskummer... gestern...
Ich weiss nicht mit meinem Gefuhl... warum habe ich diese Gefuhl? Ich nehme nur das richtige Gefuhl... aber... was habe ich?... nur eine Liebeskummer!!! Ich fehle diese Gefuhl nicht nur zwei Mal... aber... ich weiss nicht, was muss ich schreiben.

Luv... what's luv? It can be a luv 2 our family, our friends, or maybe our luv one....
Luv is so universal... luv sometimes can make the one who get luv very... very happy but otherwise can make us very very sad... Luv so wonderful... it can make somebody so strong... but the otherwise can make the one so weak....